Hey hey, what can I do / I got a woman and she won't be true

So it's a Two For Tuesday. We know this. We can feel it in our hearts.

The alarms goes off. It is set, as always, on 104.3. Classic rock.

Amid a haze I hear the DJ's voice: "Coming up, a two for tuesday from a band that Condoleezza Rice listens to every day when she works out: Led Zeppelin!"

Wha?? Wait--wha????

Holy cripes--it's TRUE!

She still gets up early (5 a.m.) to lift weights or hit the treadmill, her headphones often blaring heavy metal legend Led Zeppelin.

Whoa!

I feel like a puppy who just discovered a ham. Just kind of batting at it. Not quite sure what to do with it. Wow. A whole ham just sitting out here on the counter. Wow.

I did an exhaustive search, but I can't find any further details. The revelation first came out in a People magazine profile and most other references to it include the exact phrasing "heavy metal legend", so clearly no further questions have been asked.

I WOULD LIKE FURTHER QUESTIONS ASKED.

This is not about politics. I have had my quibbles with Ms. Rice in the past (usually having to do with seating assignments at state functions), but this is bigger than red, blue, you, me or Godzilla. This is huge.

I do not care to psycho-analyze Ms. Rice, nor will I take any political shots at her via her listening tastes. I am genuinely curious.

We all know one universal truth about Led Zeppelin: only boys like them. This is a fact.

It takes a special breed of woman to truly enjoy Led Zeppelin: the kind of woman who never asks for a bottle opener because she prefers to use her teeth. The kind of woman who will snort at you when you ask for a lime with this tequila shot.

Now, we all know that Ms. Rice is a tough lady. But it's very hard for me to imagine her in her little power suit getting home, cracking open a Bud Ice, putting her feet up and cranking "Your Time is Gonna Come" while she fires up a Camel Light. And I'm pretty sure that "You're Time is Gonna Come" won't play on most CD players until all of these steps are met.

Maybe she's got a special CD player or something.

Anyway, I have some genuine questions for Condi concerning her love of Led Zeppelin. Not because I doubt it, but because I'd like to avoid any further incidents like the one we experienced at the working breakfast with Prime Minister Sharon. Let's talk about something nice for a change, Condi.

Condoleeza Rice, what is your favorite Led Zeppelin song?

Do you have the BBC sessions? Can I borrow it?

Admit it--the hobbit stuff is kind of dorky, right? Right?

When you're tuning out some idiot Under-Secretary from some worthless country what song do you get running in your head? Is it Moby Dick? I like Moby Dick. You know what else is good is Dancing Days.

WOMAN!! uh--Yoooooooooou neeeeed, babe......LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!!

Did you ever listen to Babe, I'm Gonna Leave You and cry? Doesn't it feel AWESOME??

You know that Bonzo had nothing to do with the mudshark thing, right? I mean, he was there, but he didn't actually do anything. Just watched.

When you meet with Tony Blair do you secretly want to see if he can work the hookup?

No, I mean--I liked that one Coverdale/Page song alright.

Have you heard the live album with Jimmy Page and the Black Crowes at the Greek? You were THERE?

No--everybody plays Over the Hills and Far Away. If I'm gonna teach you a song, I'm teaching you Good Times, Bad Times. You've heard the cover by Cracker, right?

Does anyone in the Bush cabinet believe in that Led Zeppelin mind control devil worship stuff? Really? WHO?? Well, yeah, but who else? NO!! You're kidding me. NO!!!! I thought he was cool. I can't believe a Mexican would believe that shit.

Nevermind. You're alright, Condi. Except for all that other stuff. But as far as The Zep goes, you're alright.