Lately I've been really down on myself about being stupid. I don't know what it is. I have severely lapsed cognitive skills of late. (Those are a lot of big words for a little stupid girl like you)
I'm no good at money, see? Which is not to say I'm not good at math - I can be. I had a mind for it at one time, following in my father's footsteps towards advanced calculus. It was just one of those things that made sense to me, clear as day. Order.
But then it fell out of my head and I've never really gotten it back. I can organize things, but my abstract sense with numbers just utterly fails me. I'm no good with budgets. Also, I have no discipline. Spring has slightly more discipline, so she's in charge of this sort of thing now. She handles the bills because I forget. I go through the trouble of making fancy calendars and spreadsheets and then forget about them and they go wasted. Spring writes a note on the back of a printout of a 1940's pin-up and she never forgets. So it goes.
So yeah. We had a debacle with our paychecks this month. I've had to deposit everything into my account. So I'm in charge of the money. So, naturally, this is the first month we've been slapped with a penalty fee by our landlords. The details are boring. Suffice to say I spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself for making a few really stupid mistakes (with our bank and otherwise). As I said to Spring, "I just want to go one day without doing something stupid." It hasn't happened yet, but here's hoping.
Anyway, somebody left a comment on my MySpace profile, so I went to look at it. Which is, of course, when I noticed that I had a gig coming up in a week (next Tuesday) that I totally forgot about. Coupled with the GlassHouse gig that we've got on Saturday night that I totally forgot about, because both of them were filed in my head under "things that are happening a long time away, like at the end of June or something". I kept thinking this right up until, well, the 20th day of June. This is how my brain works when I'm not paying full attention.
So I feel like a dumbass, although I'm not gonna count this as doing something stupid since I haven't actually done anything stupid today since the end of the act of forgetting can hardly be counting as something stupid. I should be commended, in fact.
I'm crossing my fingers. It's 4:03. Got a whole lot of day left to do something really stupid, or even moderately stupid. So far so good. Then I'll see if I can go two days, then maybe three. Then I'll see if I can show up at this gig on the right day at the right time and not wearing a duck suit.
(Also, I've decided that this gig is gonna be a lot quieter and sweeter than the last one. The last gig emphasized my guitar, this one emphasizes voice/songwriting. It should be a treat.)